“We have to stand up against the aggressive LGBT agenda!” said the Modern Christian.
“We can’t allow the queers to impose their lifestyle on us!” protested the boisterous Street Preacher.
And yet again the forceful remonstration of the Most Pious and Busy Evangelical, “Society will be destroyed if we allow drag queens to sexualize our children!”
Indeed, yes, but let us look a little closer at our religious protagonists.
Modern Christian is very active with visitors on Sunday mornings, the only time he has “church,” through the Coffee Social Ministry he’s been involved with since he married his new wife, the Barista. Modern Christian has suffered mild persecution from his parishioner peers due to having unpopular and dated positions in one or more controversial church issues. Contrary to nearly all the assembly, Modern Christian believes that homosexuality is wrong. He doesn’t like the church’s recent decision to allow LGBT members as clergy. After privately confronting the Senior Associate Secondary Adult Youth Ministry Pastor, and receiving nothing more than polite resistance, Modern Christian has become vocal about his convictions on his personal FaceGram page.
His predicament is further complicated by his wife’s recent involvement in the church’s Tolerance Committee. She doesn’t fully agree with Modern, but feels he will relinquish his positions once the social pressure has time to run its course.
Now Street Preacher attends a much smaller church in the country but loves to frequent the city streets with his message. He knows that Christians live in the power of God and should eschew fornication. He often quotes Romans 1 while preaching about the bestial lusts of homosexuals and doesn’t shy away from the more explicit, if questionable, appellations when referring to them.
Street Preacher has faithfully preached and protested against the pervasive attempts of the degenerates to “cram their beliefs down our throats.” He has reproved and rebuked those passers-by who, by appearance to him, may not adhere to their societal responsibility to condemn these heinous sins and made quite sure everyone knows he does.
Our third and final protagonist, Most Pious and Busy Evangelical, is no rare specimen of Christendom. Many faithful brothers and sisters there are who share his values. He is upstanding in every apparent way and stays involved in church programs, especially outreach. Busy Evangelical is a real family man and spends lots of quality time with his wife and children.
On family nights they all sit lovingly together and watch videos on their several phones. His two daughters have boyfriends that are closer to them than Father knows, but he isn’t too concerned because they are societally acceptable, perfectly normal, heterosexual relationships. Evangelical was very adamant not to allow his daughters to attend Drag Queen Story Hour at the library when they were younger. And while he lacked the same vigilance while they were satisfying their curiosities in the Romance section for months, he is solidly proud that his girls are dating boys.
Here we have it–three Christians standing against the encroaching agenda of the LGBTQ÷ community. But is there more? Let us look a little closer still.
Modern Christian and his wife Barista are considering marriage counseling with the Secondary Adult Ministry Pastor, but Barista is unsure. This is because said marriage counseling didn’t fully benefit Modern’s last wife, whom he divorced after an entire year of counseling. This divorce seemed inevitable after Modern discovered Barista and months of deep conversation led to them falling in love. Modern did, however, feel moderately justified for falling “out of love” with his first wife because she didn’t share his convictions about gay clergy and the incompatibility seemed, to him, unavoidable. And besides, the separation became mutually agreeable at some point.
Street Preacher continues to light up the streets, especially during his spiritual streaks when he isn’t indulging in (strictly heterosexual) pornography. During these times of religious zeal, he delivers clear and dynamic addresses to the public, often focusing on sexual sin, which he considers the Achilles heel of society. The public’s overwhelming lack of positive response he has attributed to the same spirit that crucified Jesus. He knows that a prophet is not without honor except in his own country, and if he would travel overseas, he would have at least one verifiable conversion, if not many. In spite of his debatable legacy of success, he stands by his conviction that the homosexual agenda is an aggressive affront on our culture.
Now our third and final protagonist, Most Pious and Busy Evangelical, hasn’t divorced his wife nor viewed pornography since a month before he professed religion. He lives a great life, by most accounts, and has a good report in the community. Evangelical speaks regularly at denominational conventions about the sexualization of children, primarily focusing on programming that glorifies “alternative lifestyles.”
That which plagues Evangelical and his family is less obvious to the casual observer. What do you think, reader? Before finishing this satirical piece, take a moment to consider that for which this humble writer aims.
As Christians, we are most certainly appropriately concerned about the proliferation of sexual deviance in pop culture in all its forms. We are necessarily against the aggressive normalization of same-sex romance, especially towards our tender children. But while we valiantly hold our positions, let us not forget that our moral fabric has been getting torn long before “LGBT” was an acronym. The road to transsexualism has been thoroughly paved with heterosexual indecency. From the “slight” indiscretions of early film to the explicit pornographic nature of modern music, our culture has been assaulted with an intense and continual barrage of impropriety. We have been so inundated with immodesty and sexual perversion that our consciences have been verifiably hardened to that which was once viewed as “atrocious.” We have accepted as “normal” things which would make a gentleman or lady blush. Indeed, what has come to be “normal” is anything but.
Saints, gird up the loins of your mind! We are a peculiar people called to the glory of Almighty God! Let us not stand in judgment of others’ sin while we justify the things that make room for those sins.
Christians are still supposed to be shamefaced, modest, radical, separate from the world, sexually chaste, loyal to their spouses, pure before marriage, and plain and distinct in their appearance. Let us not be the Modern Christian that flirts with sensuality while we pretend to stand against immorality. Let us not stand on the streets and condemn others of the things we ourselves commit in spirit. We ought not be Pious and Busy Evangelicals that fill our lives with religious services, claiming a moral high ground while we court the world under the guise of “relevancy.” Christians are pure! Christians are plain! The church is the blockade that stops the spirit of the world, not a conduit for it.
A grave failing it would be if we beat our chests in condemnation of the darkened masses, while we drip with relish for the things that be of men. May God increase our appetites for spiritual things. May we crave the enlightenment of prophecy more than the validation we feel from it. I pray God fill our souls with a savor for the things of God, for deep spirituality and the spirit of devotion.
We may not be called to the times of E.M. Bounds or John Fletcher, but we are called to justify those before us with a sanctified experience and lives worthy of their deaths. Amen.
